I’ve loved re-reading my last “You Smell Differently…” blog post several times over, so I’ve decided it needs to be a semi-regular (monthly?) feature. Me and the husband? One of the best things about us is our weird, twisted senses of humor. So, here are a few favorites from lately.
On a completely unrelated note, my 30th birthday is 5 months from today which will be just a few days after what should have been my first full marathon. I think, since I can’t run, I need to set a goal of losing a few pounds and getting to a really healthy, happy place instead. Any thoughts? I’ve got about 10 pounds that could totally go (I’ve been there before and loved it!) and am just having a hard time finding the motivation and discipline.
<working on building a ramp for our oldest dog to get from the deck to the yard>
Him: This [the slope] just has to be close, right?
Me: Yeah, I don’t think Tony’s gonna measure it later and tell you it doesn’t meet doggie ADA standards.
<To understand this next one, you first have to understand that Jack has a little issue; I call it a ‘leak’. You see, whenever he sits on your lap, he usually leaves behind a few or several drips of pee. So the other night, we were eating dinner outside and the husband kept pouring little pools of beer on the deck for Jack to lap up>
Me: <looking at Jack> I’d pick you up but I know you’ll leak on me.
Him: Jack’s like ‘If you thought I couldn’t hold my pee sober!…’
<Being injured, the husband keeps trying to get me to use those electric scooter carts at the grocery store or Target. I refuse, and just wear myself out crutch’in it around the store. We were discussing going to a nursery to get flowers for the planters on our deck>
Me: But I have crutches now. I can get around.
Him: You’re allowed to go to places that have scooters. That’s it.
Husband: I need to make you a smoothie tomorrow.
Me: Yeah, I need to start drinking those again. I think they’re a lot better for me than the granola bars I’ve been eating.
Him: *smiling* Yeah…
Me: Oh, you ate my last granola bar, didn’t you?
#5 <this series was all from last night. We went out drinking. I might have had a little too much>
Getting post-bar-drinking Taco-Bell snacks on our way home.
Me: I had a good afternoon.
Him: You know it’s 9:45 (PM) right?
Me: Yeah, but we started this adventure at 4:00
Him: Yeah buddy!
<long pause then total subject change>
Him: Doesn’t it kinda worry you how fast they made the chalupa? Like, BOOM! Chalupa! … I just want to feel like it’s fresh.
Me: <laughing while getting out of the car and leaning my crutches up against the garbage can>
Him: Let’s try to crutch. Not ass over teakettle. Step. Step. Step.
Me: <laughing> I tried to transcribe our conversation [for blog posterity]. It’s just a bunch of gibberish
Him: Jesus Christ, Jessica.
Me: <laughing> Uh, I spilled taco in our bed.
Him: Why am I not surprised there is taco in our bed?
<I ended the night by setting a glass of water on 1/2 of a coaster on my nightstand. It promptly fell to the floor and shattered. I’m pretty sure I just laughed.>
Him: It’s okay. It was one of your favorite glasses… I heard Whoosh, and then smash!